10 Commandments of Marital Love

I just listened to music from the wedding ceremony of my daughter, Lauren, and her new husband, Alex. It always brings me to tears. I walked Lauren down the aisle and my friend Norm Hatter began the service. At one point, I got up to speak to Lauren and Alex and lead them through their vows. Lauren also requested that I share my "10 Commandments of Marital Love" during the ceremony.

These are words of wisdom that were originally inspired by something Dear Abbey posted, but after nearly 14 years of ministry, almost 28 years of marriage, and countless counseling sessions with couples, I created my own version of it. I come back to it from time to time to see if God has given me any new wisdom or insights. What follows is the current version and the one shared at Lauren and Alex's wedding.

Take note, couples. It doesn't matter if you are about to get married or have been married for 60 years or more, the strongest couples I know have somehow internalized these commandments.

10 COMMANDMENTS OF MARITAL LOVE

1. Remember That Next to God, No One Matters More Than Your Spouse. Act like that’s true. Put your spouse above your hobbies, work, circle of friends, and family.
2. Get A Life. Have interests of your own. Nothing is more smothering than one or both partners who have nothing but the other person.
3. Work on Your Marriage. Like a garden, if left unattended, weeds will eventually choke out the life. Attended to, however, it will bear delicious fruit such as love, joy, peace, patience, kindness.
4. Get Help When You Have A Problem. If you can’t solve a problem on your own, find someone to help you. Too many do nothing and the results are tragic. Call me if you get stuck.
5. Remember Your Relationship Is Much More Than Your Sex Life. A healthy, lasting relationship includes emotional and spiritual intimacy.
6. Don't Forget To Say "I Love You.” Your love may be constant, but your spouse needs to hear those words often.
7. Willingly Share Everything With Your Spouse. Your tools, your cookware, your bodies, your heart. It’s no longer “yours” or “mine,” but think instead “ours.”
8. Pray Together. Not just a quick prayer before meals, but on your knees together speaking with God. Couples who do this and both want to do this not only stay married, but are the most vitalized of all couple types.
9. Forgive Each Other As God Has Forgiven You—With Grace. Who among us does not need to be forgiven?
10. Honor And Enjoy The Lord Every Day Of Your Life Individually And Together. It is our highest and most holy calling.