I had a conversation with my middle daughter's boyfriend, Alex, today. It started with Alex's comment about having to watch the movie Mamma Mia last night. I told him that as a father of three daughters, he has entered into an estrogen-loaded household. He comes from a family of three boys. Think: testosterone.
I've never been much for stereotyping gender roles. I've taken my daughters fishing, camping, to ball games, on high ropes courses and shooting guns. Like me, all three of them earned a black belt in Taekwondo. They are not sissies. But they are girls. One is an actress, one sings opera and the other dances ballet. All three liked Mamma Mia. They liked Anne of Green Gables. They liked The Notebook.
So I felt it my duty to prepare Alex. "They will do a lot of guy stuff, but they are girls. Just know that."
Like it or not, guys think about things differently, including church. For many guys, church is too feminine for them. We pastors talk about having a "personal relationship" with Jesus. Guys on construction sites or in business offices, hospitals or professional teams don't talk like that. We don't typically want to talk about being in relationships (even though that is exactly what God wants). We like the bold statements of Jesus like, "Follow me!," over relational statements.
Church values communal decision-making. This used to drive one the elders in my first church crazy. "Does everything have to be discussed?," he asked. "I'm a entrepreneur. I'm used to making decisions alone!" Guys like to be lone decision-makers.
Also, much is made of the compassionate side of Jesus, which everyone loves, but guys especially connect to the strong side of Jesus, like taking on the Pharisees or turning over the money tables in the Temple.
Without reducing women's power or going over the top with themes of virility, heroism or militant Christianity, the church needs to think about the way men hear the message of Christ.
At the church I serve, we are just beginning a men's ministry. God has raised up a leader for this ministry who is already talking about building things, outdoorsy activities, and mentoring boys. It is a welcome addition to ministry. It keeps this church and our ministries from becoming too girly.
Fear not, women. Our danger is not heavy-handed male domineering. A strong men's ministry can never be about that. The problem for us and many churches is that men are not being discipled. Men are not being shown how to walk in the way of Jesus as a man. Jesus showed great strength under control and Jesus showed emotions. He was the total man. He was the complete man. He was the model of manhood for Christians.
Men who follow Jesus can show great strength under control. When physical danger threatens people I love, I will act with as much strength as I have. When lies are being told, I will speak the truth with strength under control. When people ignore honorable and faithful living, I will challenge people to live the better life God has for them. The problem with strength is not strength itself. The problem is the abuse of strength. Jesus showed great strength under control. In fact, that is the biblical sense of the word meekness.
Men who follow Jesus can also have and show emotions. For me, the thought of my daughters getting married makes me cry with happy and sad tears all at once. All of the prayers and energy and love and hope of my life has been poured into these three amazing girls. Weddings are a rite of passage and a goodbye of sorts. So show me a scene of a movie with a parent and child at a wedding and I'm a goner. Predictable as Mamma Mia was, I still got all locked up when the mother was helping her daughter get ready for her wedding.
Churches need to man up. At least enough so the average male in our country can learn to follow Jesus in ways that allow men to be, like Jesus, complete men.
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